You’re Not Alone: “Put Your Mask On First!”

By Skip Cohen

In my last post, I wrote about the importance of joining a caregiver support group. Our weekly meetings became critical in helping my dad understand that it was okay to feel angry, frustrated and disappointed as he watched my mother’s personality slowly disappear during her fight with Alzheimer’s.

Respite became the next important step in managing the disease.

Google defines respite as “taking a break from caring, while the person you care for is looked after by someone else. It lets you take time out to look after yourself and helps stop you becoming exhausted and run down.”

My folks were lucky. Over many years, Dad had put money away for their care as they got older. He was able to afford live-in help — something many people don’t have. That support allowed him to take a break, but even emotional respite was tough for him.

Before moving to Florida to help him and Mom, we lived in Ohio. It took me months to convince Dad to leave Mom’s side for a long weekend and come visit. His initial argument was, “Your mother always took care of me. Now it’s my turn.”

Leaving her, even for a couple of days, felt like abandonment to him.

He may have been able to afford the physical care, but the emotional toll was building. I didn’t let up — I was like a dog with a bone — and kept urging him to take a few days off.

The argument that finally resonated was the idea of creating a photo album he could bring back to Mom. We gathered photographs from our life in Ohio, our old neighborhood, longtime friends and stories from years gone by. We created an album — a storybook he could share with her. Dad was building memories, and suddenly, it made sense.

But respite is more than just taking an occasional break — it’s about creating a routine that allows you to regularly step away and recharge. In Sarasota alone, I know of at least three excellent adult day care programs.

There’s a wealth of information at the Alzheimer’s Association website, alz.org, and their 24/7 Helpline is just a phone call away at 800-272-3900.

Remember when you sent your kids to day camp? Adult day care is similar — it provides your loved one with social interaction, and more importantly, it gives you, the caregiver, a chance to rest and focus on your own well-being.

Here’s the bottom line: As a caregiver, you can’t help your loved one if you’re not taking care of yourself first. It’s the oxygen mask scenario I wrote about previously.

“Put your mask on first!”

About Me

Skip Cohen has been directly involved in the Alzheimer’s battle and supporting the challenges of aging since moving to Sarasota fourteen years ago. Today he serves as Director for the Memory Care Alliance which is focused on support for caregivers and patients fighting Alzheimer’s.