By Skip Cohen
The You’re Not Alone Chronicles is a series of experiences of one family member’s journey dealing with his mother’s Alzheimer’s.
About three years before my mother lost her fight with Alzheimer’s, my Dad was struggling with the challenges. He was losing his “best girl” to an enemy he couldn’t see. With my business all accessible online, and my wife qualifying for early retirement from her career, we could live anywhere. So we decided to move to Florida and help my folks with the Alzheimer’s battle.
Our journey directly into the Alzheimer’s world started with dealing with Dad’s anger. With growing frustration, his doctor recommended anger management and gave us a referral to a social worker. Off we went together for his first appointment.
Dad didn’t need anger management in a therapeutic environment – he needed a support group. I’ll be forever grateful to the counselor for that suggestion.
Dad was part of the “greatest generation,” you know, the one that taught us not to cry, not to share our frustrations outside our family, and, as he used to say, “Do your dirty laundry at home, not in public.” Born in 1922, he grew up with an overdeveloped sense of not sharing private feelings.
The support group we chose was only a mile from his home and easily accessible. Within ten minutes of our first weekly meeting, Dad looked like a cartoon character with an I’ve-got-an-idea bulb going off above his head. It was the first time he realized he wasn’t alone in his pain and sadness.
That was the beginning of our journey and education in dealing with Alzheimer’s. Even more important, being involved with other caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients gave us a bit of emotional respite and started our education on how to deal with the challenges yet to come.
Dealing with Alzheimer’s in your family is, as my friend and neurologist, Dr. Mauricio Concha states, “a lifestyle change.” This horrible disease changes your definition of “normal” and will turn your world literally upside down, especially if you don’t make your own care a top priority.
A good support group helps you build a foundation for dealing with the pain. Think of it the way a flight attendant tells you: if the oxygen masks drop due to a change in pressure, and you’re traveling with a child, put your mask on first, before your child’s. Well, in the same respect, you can’t help a family member fighting Alzheimer’s if you don’t take care of yourself first!
There’s my point and my reason for sharing our experiences dealing with my Mother’s Alzheimer’s – to help other caregivers deal with so many of the challenges. But more importantly, to learn not to miss the occasional moments of love, joy and memory-making that become few and far between fighting the Alzheimer’s battle.
And so the journey begins…
To find a Florida support group near you, check out the Alzheimer’s Association Florida Chapters Community Programs booklet or call the 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900.
About Me
Skip Cohen has been directly involved in the Alzheimer’s battle and supporting the challenges of aging since moving to Sarasota fourteen years ago. Today he serves as Director for the Memory Care Alliance which is focused on support for caregivers and patients fighting Alzheimer’s.
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