By Kiara Velez
“Pórtate bien y Dios te paga,” my Abuela Carmen Velez always says. “Behave well, and God will pay you back.” Those are the words that come to mind when I think of her.
Memories can be compared to threads—like a large weave of yarn coming together to show the full fabric of memories and life laid out like a great tapestry. Imagine then your loved ones and their experiences, memories, and lessons, all demonstrated in an array of colors. I like to imagine my Abuela Carmen and her life this way.
I hold this thought with the memories of my paternal grandmother, Carmen, and my maternal grandmother, Nana Victoria, when they both developed Alzheimer’s disease and lived in my family home for some time.
Being in the position of helping as a caregiver and assisting with Alzheimer’s care, you develop a relationship with those threads of memories, and how they could lead to so much more. With my Abuela Carmen, I came from a unique position of being too young to understand the situation, while also knowing it would be influential in my life.
One of the best memories I have with my Abuela Carmen (photo left) is from a quiet afternoon when we sat outside together. She was telling me a story from her past, repeating it over and over, forgetting she had shared it before. As any caregiver knows, you learn to find value in even the most repeated conversations.
She recalled a time in the 1950s when she was crowned homecoming queen at her university. She described her feelings of
being chosen and paraded through town. I could picture her elegance and grace, and as I grow older, I cling to that memory, hoping to understand a piece of her life better.
Looking back, I wish I had asked more questions. I wish I could have understood her world more deeply, spoken her language fluently, and heard her stories in full.
There are memories I wish I could still know. Much of being a caregiver, and seeing the effects of Alzheimer’s, involves grieving memories lost to time.
One of the hardest parts of this journey is grieving for people who are still alive. In times like that, you begin to cherish the vibrant colors and memories of their lives.
My Nana Victoria, who is also battling early-onset Alzheimer’s, is on a similar path now. Watching both of my grandmothers face the challenges of this disease has deepened my appreciation for the memories we share and the stories they continue to tell.
As I reflect on both my grandmothers’ vibrancy and stories, I hold onto the lessons they taught me and the memories we created together. Though Alzheimer’s may challenge our connection, the love we share remains a constant bond, felt in the squeeze of their hands and the tenderness of their eyes.
Being a caregiver for both my abuelas has changed how I react to memories and passed-down stories. I’ve developed a deep appreciation for old photographs and the memories that still hold meaning.
You are reminded of how precious each moment is. I urge others to cherish their loved ones, listen to their stories, and honor their legacies.
Together, we can support the Alzheimer’s Association in its mission to raise awareness, provide resources, and offer hope, ensuring the threads of our loved ones’ lives continue to shine brightly—even in the darkest of times.
Fore more on caregiver resources, visit alz.org or call the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900.
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