Facing Mother’s Day as A Former Caregiver

By Nicole Lesson

With Mother’s day upon us, it brings many people joy and others grief, or even a mixture of both. 

As a former caregiver to my beautiful mom, CJ (Cynthia Joyce Lesson) for more than 5 years I learned that each day I had my mom with me was a day to cherish. Everyday was mom’s day.

Trying to balance being a daughter and a caregiver was very difficult, as my role became one of a parent, which my mom didn’t care for. It’s a thin line that you walk and cross back and forth from.

At times, Mom would say, “I am an adult, you are not my parent.” She was right but at times I had to step in and act like a mom so the right decision for her well being would be made. At the hospital, staff and doctors would ask, are you her daughter or caregiver? I would answer a daughter first, a caregiver second. I never thought of being my mom’s caregiver as a sacrifice. 

My mom would tell me she never wanted to be a burden and I needed a life. I always told her she was not a burden and it was my pleasure to assist her health needs and spend time with her.

I would say, “Mom you chose me, you adopted me and took care of me for my whole life. It’s now my turn.” We had good days and more challenging days. Yet, I wouldn’t trade those years I was her caregiver for anything. Now my days are without her.  

It is the moments where there was belly laughter, an extra long embrace, a hand held to get up from the chair, a stroke of her shiny, silky gray hair that I remember fondly. I would notice my mom looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes and feel her love and gratitude from across the room.

Until you are a caregiver you do not know what it is like. You can feel very alone, even if you have a support system. It is important to take care of yourself. I know, easier said than done. Yet, we are no use to our loved one if we are not healthy and rested. It is part of our duty to take care of ourselves too. 

Tips for Celebrating Mother’s Day

I encourage you to do what you can with your mother to celebrate the day or do something special in their memory. 

On Sunday, have her tell you a beloved story, paint together, play a game of scrabble or watch a movie, sing a song, look at photos, read her a favorite poem or excerpt from a book. You may also want to cook her favorite dish, take a video of you together or some photos and record her voice. Capture those moments. 

For those who have lost their mom, the day is difficult but try to do something that brings you joy and celebrate the love you still hold dear for her. You can watch a video, light a candle, plant a tree or some flowers, enjoy her favorite dessert, visit her favorite spot at the beach or park, whatever brings you a fond memory. 

As my second Mother’s Day without my mom approaches, I need to choose to celebrate all that was incredible about her. I miss her smile, her laugh, the way she loved hearing my stories of the day, our big hugs, her amazing creativity with her arts and crafts, having coffee and breakfast in the morning, going to our favorite lunch spot and our daily mother/daughter conversations. 

She may not be next to me but I know I was extremely blessed to have her as my amazing mom. The love and support she gave me lives on inside my heart and soul. She used to say you are my angel. She was mine. 

Mom, I love you more.

For more information on caregiving, call our free, 24/7 Helpline 800.272.3900 or visit alz.org/caregiving.