By Guest Blogger David Rohee
The most difficult thing I’ve experienced in my life is learning how to be a supportive caregiver to my wife.
Her diagnosis of Alzheimer’s was a life-altering event for both of us, and I refused to give up the love, care and affection I feel for this precious person with whom I have enjoyed years of companionship, great memories and joyous occasions.
To be a supportive caregiver, I had to learn how to handle the frustrations and anxiety that come with the responsibility and how not to give in to those negative feelings.
In the beginning, my patience was tested to the max. After my loved one had been in the early stages of dementia for almost two years, I was still completely unprepared for this and often had no idea how to react.
Then, a friend told me about the Alzheimer’s Association. I had no idea how this would alter my entire perspective. Initially, I called their 24/7 Helpline (800.782.3900). They asked me what I needed and how they could help. The person I spoke with was very comforting and recommended attending a support group. After attending my first support group session online, I then attended one in person. Interacting with other caregivers at both sessions, I realized that we faced similar situations but handled them very differently.
I was amazed to learn that one of the Alzheimer’s Association support groups also included a session for caregivers and the special person they were caring for, and this group helped both of us in many positive ways. We now attend this couple’s support group regularly.
At one of the first sessions, the host of the group asked us questions about how well we handled some of the negative feelings, frustrations and anger.
What he said that day made a huge impact. We, the caregivers, have to change our perspective and focus on what we can do to handle the challenges we face.
In my case, he pointed out that my career and training as an engineer and pilot would come in handy. I would need new tools in my toolbox to help me manage the challenges with my loved one. He suggested some new tools and helped me learn a new skill. What a revelation. It’s not an easy transition, but it’s pretty doable.
These support groups proved to be a significant factor in changing my approach to dealing with some of the feelings and issues I was facing as both a caregiver and a life partner. I no longer felt useless or unprepared.
To all my fellow caregivers, stay strong and positive. You can do this, and you are not alone. Here are some resources:
Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900
Alzheimer’s Association Support Groups in Florida can be found here.
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